I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
