Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
