It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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