i just had sex bonerless
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize