watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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