i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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