i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
