hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
