you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
