Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
