VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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