Swine flu is the new snow day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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