I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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