Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize