grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
