Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
