I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
