My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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