if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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