You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
