after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
