$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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