Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
