Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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