This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
