On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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