I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
