So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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