i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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