My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
