This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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