2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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