The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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