is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
