i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
