Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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