needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
