I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
being pregnant is like rehab
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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