i jhust puked up my retainher.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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