I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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