So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
