doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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