guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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