I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
