thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My vagina just recognized that song.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
