Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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