I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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