I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
