college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
