the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
