I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
