You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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