There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
