I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
