No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
