yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
