Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
