allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
