where am i from again
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
