Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
