Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
