Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
