So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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