roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
