apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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