the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
