I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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