It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
