On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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