Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
