oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
