Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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