She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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