You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
