I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
