she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
